just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Green mimosas i think yes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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