Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
