He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You are a booty call, not a friend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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