you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
