sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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