We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
