You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
