the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
