Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
