I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Drunk is not a location!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
