im having a threesome with these popsicles
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
