Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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