my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
