i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
