If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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