Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
