I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
