I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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