I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
