Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
