I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
