There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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