OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
