i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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