Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
