i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
