You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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