Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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