Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
