yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
