So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
