I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
