Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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