There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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