My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
