just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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