you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
