Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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