Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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