Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
