we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
