We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
