please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
