We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
