Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
