matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pants are for mortals
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
