If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
