there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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