Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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