U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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