Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
