He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
