dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
