i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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