I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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