Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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