Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
