My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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