i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fuck appropriateness.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
