I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
