I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
