so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
