i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
