I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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