What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
